The Decision to Come into Couples Therapy
When a couple comes in to see a therapist to “fix the relationship,” there is already an agreement that something is not working. When they seek therapy at this point, it is a positive action. They may come in angry or sad, but there is a desire to grow together.
How It Works
I believe a couple stops “working” when the people involved get caught in old patterns of relating. How these patterns interact is the core of the therapy. I am very effective in helping the people in a couple understand their individual issues, often learned at an early age, that impact the relationship.
Together we work on:
- Effective communication
- Problem solving (This can be anything that feels important, no matter how small)
- Exploring differences in personality types
- Linking past issues that affect everyday interactions
The Result
The result is not just “fixing the problem” but a much deeper understanding of each other. I find that through this exploration hidden expectations are discovered. When the individuals are able to identify these “secrets,” the unconscious patterns have less influence on daily interactions. This calms mundane activities that have been tense or uncomfortable. This style of couples work creates healthy ways of negotiating being together, AND the clients may experience personal work resulting in empathy and compassion.
I feel that couples work can be the gateway into both interpersonal and personal transformation.
I work with all couples equally. I have had experience working with:
- Heterosexual
- Lesbian
- Gay
- Bisexual
- Undefined
- Many different ethnicities
- Cross-cultural relationships
Separation/Divorce Couples Work
This may sound like a kind of “anti-couples” therapy. However, I have found that couples who continue to examine why they are separating or even divorcing have the opportunity to discover powerful information.
Very often, the issues that caused a couple to decide to part are the result of long term patterns. If the couple is open to working with these patterns, they can gain insight into why they came together in the first place. This work helps people foster empathy for each other and compassion for themselves.
PLEASE NOTE
This is not legal mediation. This process promotes two people to maintain a healthier connection overall. It also helps them recognize and avoid similar patterns in a new relationship. This work is especially helpful if they are co-parenting and want to make a successful long-term co-parenting arrangement.